confrontation and conviction

I don't know if there is anything more difficult than going to a brother or sister in Christ and confronting them in their sin.  Well, anything more difficult than being on the receiving end of the confrontation, that is.  It is so hard to do something like that, and so hard to hear it.  

On the confronting side, what if you're wrong?  What if it's your own sinfulness causing you to misread or misunderstand someone else?  What if it's your petty differences that are the real issues, not issues of sin?  What if the other person won't listen?  What if they don't like me any more?  What might they say to others as a result?  And on, and on.

On the receiving side, what if they're right?  How dare someone else say these things to me?  Who are you to judge me, as if you knew what goes on in my head?  How could someone think these things about me?  What gives you the right to say this?  And on, and on.

Yet, we are called to both give and receive this sort of confrontation.  Take, for example these two words from Christ:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that the brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to that person; then come and offer your gift.  - Matthew 5:23-24

If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you alone. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they refuse to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.  - Matthew 18:15-17

The responsibility rests on both parties in an issue.  If someone has something against you, go and seek reconciliation.  If you have something against someone else, go and seek reconciliation.  Not a whole lot of wiggle room there, and there's certainly nothing in there about whether it will be hard or easy.  Jesus knows - it's going to be hard, therefore it doesn't need to be said.

But it's the hard things in life that are often the most worthy.  Especially when it comes to confronting sinful behavior in the body of Christ.  When you are sick or have a cut, you attend to it with medical care, knowing that if you don't it will only fester and get worse.  Eventually leading toward greater problems throughout your body.  So it is with our sinfulness.  If left unchecked or if not confronted in love by our brothers and sisters, it will fester, rot and spread throughout the body of Christ.

By being faithful in this hard thing, every party involved benefits.  The two immediate parties, the confrontor and the confrontee, are able to find or initiate a process of reconciliation.  Should sin actually be involved, conviction followed by repentance is given opportunity. And the community around the two parties, the body of Christ, is given opportunity to experience health and wholeness that otherwise wouldn't occur.

Two brothers met with me today, and it was a hard but worthy conversation.  Frankly, I am very convicted of some areas in my life in which I need to grow.  There is much on which to reflect, pray and examine.  But none of us would have this opportunity if there hadn't been the courage to confront to begin with.

Psalm 51
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.